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Or, let me rephrase. I SHOULD have fed her the pie, but dressed her in some loose, shapeless pants. Or a leotard. Or the sweats I still have from college. Basically, what I wish I was wearing. ‪#‎TBT‬ ‪#‎HappyThanksgiving‬

11/26/2015

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Dear Baby: Sorry but you're mistaken. Down my shirt between the boobs that fed you is not an ok place to throw up. ‪#‎whenwillitstop‬

11/23/2015

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Perhaps vitamins can be obtained through the nose? Hope so.

11/17/2015

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Dear Baby: Sorry, my boobs are not, in fact, balls of dough you are supposed to be prepping for the oven. ‪#‎ouch‬

11/15/2015

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Dear Baby: Sorry as soon as daddy got home I booked it into my room to "reply to a few emails" (watch celebrity lip sync battles).

11/13/2015

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Dear Toddler (and Baby): Sorry daddy thought it was appropriate to let you snuggle up on the couch for a program called "Hitler's Suicide Ship."

11/9/2026

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Thanks, every store, for making my kid obsess about Santa's arrival while still grappling with the "what's a scarecrow" question.

11/5/2026

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What's worse: stealing all your kid's candy or chucking their hard-earned cauldron of cavities into the back of a closet never to be seen again? ‪#‎deephalloweenthoughts‬

11/3/2026

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It's Guest Dear Baby time! This bit of hilarious fall splendor comes from Jennifer Jarvis in Dingmans Ferry, PA. Who hasn't tried some Pinterest decorative photo shoot/craft/cookie that didn't go a little wrong?? Now let's all like, comment and share thi

10/30/2015

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Dear Toddler: Sorry we’ve already celebrated Halloween like 6 times and you could give a rat’s behind about dressing up again tomorrow. ‪#‎halloweenparade‬ ‪#‎trunkortreat‬ ‪#‎spooktacular‬ ‪#‎cornmaze‬ ‪#‎whoops‬

10/29/2015

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