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Thanks for waking my kids up at the crack of ass, making me entertain them for an extra hour and getting dark at 4:30. I cherish all the extra time INSIDE with them pre-bedtime. #Blessed #Evil

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And let the pilfering begin...mwah ha ha!

11/2/2016

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Dear 3YO: Sorry I keep stealing all your Halloween candy. However, you can't miss a Twix if you've never tasted its glory and I am WAY better at brushing my teeth.

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My baby thinks it's an invitation to grab every cup, washcloth, lipstick, tweezer and foot file around the sink. And shut off the water 20 times. And then go lift up the trash can lid. Followed by some QT with his hand down his diaper. You?

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Dear Baby XO

Nailed it. What are your kids favorite "hiding places"?

My book is on super sale this weekend at Barnes & Noble - for $5.61!! Use 30% off coupon code BNBFRIDAY16 at checkout. The Dear Baby book is a hilarious holiday/new/expectant parent gift! Hurry, amazing deal ends midnight Sunday.

Dear Baby: If a turkey gives himself a bloody lip eating a carrot, trips and lands in the fireplace while his mommy is packing then shits himself while stuck in traffic on I-95...can we still have Thanksgiving? #RoadTrip #FUN

Dear 3YO: Sorry the nice new dress I bought you for school "has no sparkles" and you "don't want the pockets." Get over it cuz we're putting it on in 3, 2, 1...

Dear Babies: Sorry I finally figured out the winning formula to feel fully rested and it goes like this: nap, 4-5:30pm. Lights out at 9:45pm. Oh, and being 100 miles away from you.

Maybe put a shirt on before your guest arrive?

Dear Daylight Savings...

And let the pilfering begin...mwah ha ha!

Why is hand washing so hard?

Dear Baby XO

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