Jersey! Did you know yours truly does standup? Yep. And I've got a great show coming up Wednesday, October 19th at the Union County Performing Arts Center in Rahway, NJ, @ 7PM! My set is FULL of funny stuff on parenting and marriage, and I will be signing copies of my book afterwards! So come, have a drink, laugh your tush off, meet me AND get a personalized copy of DEAR BABY: I'M SORRY. I promise it will be WAY better than wiping down the counter another 27 times after dinner. Can't wait to meet you!
It's Guest Dear Baby time! This hilarious nugget is from Jena Garcia of Columbia, SC. As my mama always said, "You have to learn to entertain yourself."
Today's Moment of Zen was brought to you by opening the bathroom closet and letting my baby take out every towel, zipper pouch, cotton ball & tampon. #Solid3Minutes
Ouch! Those little hands are way too strong. Which of your body parts sustains the most baby damage?
Is it weird that I watch Orange is the New Black and think prison looks awesome? Just watched her get coffee, grab a book and read it outside, alone, in silence. #TheStuffofDreams
Oh, the joy of having both children out of the house while I made dinner... I didn't mutter "f#*k" once. #domesticmiracles
3YO (pointing to nipples): "Mommy, look, these are my ankles."
(Reconsidering) "What are these?"
"Those are your nipples."
"Oh. You have those, too, right there."
"Yes, I do."
"And I have them too, on my fingers."
"Well, that's your chest."
"Mm hmm. Nibbles on my fingers."
Sure, whatever it takes to shut this down.
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