Sorry this is what I want for Mother's Day

1) To take all your jangly, rattly toys out of the car and drive around without any specific destination, blasting REO Speedwagon 

2) To stop wherever I want on this drive, whether or not I need anything at including but not limited to the following locations:

• Any drug store to look at trashy magazines and pocket-sized notebooks 
• Target, West Elm, Home Goods or any other place I can browse bowls, baskets, discount shoes and purses 

  
• Any establishment with staff to scrub and massage feet


• A bar 


• A park bench in the middle of nowhere 

3)  Eat steaming hot food I don’t have cut, share or blow on for 10 minutes 
4)  A bite-free day for my nipples (which will be crammed into a bra made of something other than sweatpant material) 
5)  To lie flat on my back, in silence
6)  A hotel room in which to take a half hour shower, followed by FULL blow-dry (not one of those "please let me get in one minute before she wakes up" deals), followed by I don't care as long as there is no laundry 
7) Uninterrupted viewing of Love Actually and/or The Holiday    
8) To wear my hair down without it being ripped out of my scalp 
9) For local government to make Mother's Day a monthly holiday punishable by law if not observed
10) A loving, deeply expressed 5 minute Skype date with you from my hotel room  

XO, mommy